Thursday, February 25, 2010

I'm ready to live not only survive
I'm ready to dance like no ones watching
Climb a mountain, kiss the sky, then do it all again!
I'm ready to love like I've never been hurt
Ready to sing like no ones listening
watch more sunsets, see the world
If not now...when?

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

This is a long post!

This is our first real post since living in Logan! Nathan is doing well in school and we are just living a busy family life!
I have been looking for a job and have had no luck getting one. I am officially licensed in Utah as a cosmetologist and I can't find a salon that wants to hire me. So I started exploring other job options and found that the plasma center here is short staffed and are hiring right now! So I applied to four of the five positions posted and went in and hand delivered my cover letter and resume and they called me today to set up an interview for Monday! I don't think I have ever been so excited for an interview!! I usually interview so well and the past interviews I have had have gone terrible and I have been nervous and I've had really bad luck. With this job at the plasma center they will train me to be a phlebotomist, if I get the job! I contemplated phlebotomy at one point in the last year or so but just don't have the time or money for it but it would be perfect if they will train me on the job at the plasma center!! I hope I have an awesome interview! Wish me luck!
We are enjoying Logan and living away 'on our own'. (so to say) We've had a rough time since moving here but things seem to go well for us as long as we keep paying our tithing! Which reminds me.....I want talk about trials! This is something important that I have learned and I thank the Lord for it! The Lord allows trials for us to endure. I have reacted in different ways to certain trials. There have been trials where I regret to say that I have been ungrateful and angry with the Lord. Downright and unfair just mad at the Lord. I was WRONG!!!(OBVIOUSLY!) That was a humbling trial. I needed to be humbled! There are trials that we are supposed to learn something from and then I discovered a new trial.....at times I have thought about faith...do I have enough....what is faith really? I always knew I had faith and it is all I can muster but is it really enough? It made me think of the man that took his afflicted son to Jesus and Jesus asked the man if he had faith enough for his son to be healed and the father answered,"help thou my unbelief."
Well, back in November I awoke one day and my whole abdomen hurt. I know now that it was pancreatis and gallstones! Along with this extreme abdominal pain I had this painful pressure right where your ribs meet in the middle front of your chest. It hurt so bad just to breath and all I could do was take shallow breaths. I was also nauseous, like a painful nausea, it just hurt and then I had extreme pain just off to the right just under my ribs. I couldn't even hold Hadyn it was so bad. This condition came and went over a period of three or four days some times being more extreme than others. I had no idea what was wrong and thought it was weird and if it persisted then I would see the doctor. I had told mom of my symptoms and she said that she had had that breathing problem about 3 times in her whole life and that if it persisted then I should go get some anti-inflammatory medicine. Well, it went away and I soon forgot about it. Then exactly 3 weeks later on a Sunday I was hyper and happy and having fun with my boys and then all of the sudden I started to feel nauseous and withing 10 minutes I was in extreme pain and couldn't hardly breath! I took a high dose of pain meds and soaked in the tub till they kicked in. Nate just happened to be at work. Luckily this attack only lasted about 4 hours but I told Nate that I wasn't going through that again and told him I was going right to the doc the next day, Monday. I ended up just picking a doc out of the phone book, which I love! He is actually a nurse practitioner. I went to the appointment and he told me that I had all the classic symptoms of gallstones! he set me up for an ultrasound on Wednesday. i went to the ultra sound and when they showed me my gallbladder the stones looked all lined up like peas in a pea pod! I got positive results the next day and I also just so happened to have another severe attack that just wouldn't let up and this time I went to the ER for pain meds. The doctor in the ER said that he had called the surgeon and that I was to immediately go see him the next day, Thursday. So I called and was insistent that I got in to see the surgeon and I really think that it was by some small miracle that I got in. I went to the surgeon and got blood work done and set up an appointment to have surgery done the following Thursday. I went home and about 5:00pm that night I got a call from the surgeon saying that my bile levels were high and he thinks I had a gallstone blockage and that I needed to go to the ER and be admitted and have surgery by the next day. he called ER and I went as soon as I could. Nate dropped me off, took the boys back home and where he left the boys with a sweet sister in our ward. Nate came back to the hospital for a bit and then I believe Nate stayed the night at home and took the boys to Darin and Keturah's the next day where they were so willing to watch them till mom came and picked them up and took them to Idaho for a week. I just chuckle every time I think about anybody taking my boys for a week! It's physically exhausting with just with my boys being so big! Not to mention everything else! Poor mom and Eliza! Anyway, Friday came and they couldn't do surgery on me cause my bile levels and/or liver enzymes were still too high and it wouldn't be safe enough. So we wait another day. Saturday doc comes in and I tell him that my whole abdomen hurt and he said that that was pancreatitis and it was definitely not safe to do surgery on me and to wait another day! I asked him if I could go home till the pancreatitis went away and he smirked at me and No! NO! you stay right here as long as you have pancreatitis! Apparently it's a serious condition! ha! ha! So I received a blessing that day and I remember it said "may you be healed according to your faith". Up to that point I never had once questioned the Lord and I told myself that for whatever reason that I had this trial I was going to pass through it with flying colors and show the Lord that I HAD FAITH! Little did I know, I really think that the Lord was showing me that I had enough faith! I believe that the Lord gave me that trial in answer to my question, "Do I have enough faith?" So I lay in the hospital bed with pancreatitis and am expecting at least 2-3 days to heal from it and the surgeon walks in that hospital room the very next morning, Sunday, with his eyes wide open and with a shocked look on his face he said,"That is one of the fastest turn arounds I have ever seen from pancreatitis. You are all clear for surgery!" They prepped me and wheeled me in and did the surgery and I went home the next day!(Monday) I never questioned the Lord and I know that I do have enough faith. That almost sounds wierd to say ENOUGH faith. I'll change it to say that I have whole hearted faith in the Lord!
On a side note:
Nate and I are teachers for the 13 year olds at church and I just keep repeating myself all the time that I just truly hope and pray that they have the courage to do what is right! May we all have the COURAGE TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT!!
Another thing I want to pass along from a friend of mine that has endured years of infertility is- TO HAVE THE COURAGE TO ACCEPT THY WILL!! Whatever life may dish out, may we all have the courage to accept Thy will!
May the Lord bless and lead you through this life and may his blessing especially flow in times of need, trial, comfort or whatever it may be!